About
Hi, I’m Tanja.
Pronounced Tan-ya
If you’re here because something in your relationship doesn’t feel right, or because you’ve left and are trying to make sense of the pieces, I want you to hear this first: What happened to you is not your fault. Abuse – not divorce – breaks the sanctity of marriage. Your story is not over.
My story
I met my husband at a small Bible school, and we were married for fifteen years. Over time, his drinking and abuse dominated everything in my life, and I learned to shrink myself to keep the peace. I didn’t have any language for what I was experiencing and felt utterly alone. Like most victims of abuse, I believed it was my fault, and that there were no options. Those years were spent in silent suffering, my life revolving around one thing. Survive. Protect the kids. Eventually, I ran. I ran away from the abuse, and I ran toward Jesus.
Healing didn’t happen all at once. After my divorce, I found my way to trauma therapy and took domestic abuse advocacy classes so I could finally understand what had happened to me. I learned how to navigate the continuing post-divorce abuse, and eventually gained full custody of our two children. Those first few years were by far the hardest of my life as I wrestled with complex PTSD and intense fear. All of this lead me to train as a life coach focusing on nervous system regulation, learning how to calm a body that had lived in survival mode for years. Those same practices are woven into every week of Fractured.
I stayed close to Jesus through all of it, but I’ve had to redefine what faith looks like for me now. Some of the answers I was given before didn’t hold up in the middle of abuse. What did hold up was a God who sees, who grieves with us, and who wants us free.
Why I wrote Fractured
I wrote Fractured for the woman standing in the middle of the pieces, wondering whether anything good can come from them. Like the gold-mended bowl on the cover, I believe the broken places can become part of something stronger and more beautiful. You can have a life of joy and hope again.
Today
Through Hope Beyond Abuse, I write and speak to help women heal, to help young women recognize the warning signs early, and to help churches respond to abuse with understanding and safety. I’m a longtime MomCo (formerly MOPS) member, founded a MomCo group in Estes Park, and am part of the MomCo Approved Speaker Network.
I’m a mom to two sons and live in Colorado, where the mountains are my favorite place to breathe.
Invite Tanja to speak
Tanja speaks to women’s ministries, MomCo groups, churches, support groups, libraries, podcasts, and advocacy organizations about recognizing abuse and finding hope in healing.
